I prefer my own company


I prefer my own company

I am a bit of a loner. Well I prefer my own company more than being surrounded by people. Does that make me eccentric or even selfish? An odd ball? Or just an introvert? How about you?

It wasn’t always the case.

I used to hate being on my own. Always looking up friends. Terrified of spending any time alone. I would phone people and organize gatherings. I loved being around people. The times when I did ended up on my own was very lonely. I was a real people’s person or so I thought. It all changed 10 years ago.

It’s complicated

Ten years ago my life was in such a mess. I was a single parent, struggling to make ends meet with a rebellious teenager who challenged me around every corner. Another child who resented me for spending every waking minute to save her sister. Also facing financial difficulties. Then I was struck down by a devastating illness that would change my life forever. In 2011 I was diagnosed with Achalasia, a swallowing disorder. Three surgeries later and in 2014 I almost died when my lungs collapsed. I spend 11 days in ICU during which a ventilator had to help me breathe. Life would never be the same.

I prefer my own company

Looking back I realize just how much I changed over the past 10 years. I no longer take life for granted. Every time I swallow I say thank you. Living a life of gratitude and meditation. During the 3 years when my illness was taking a toll on me, I found myself alone and on my own. People didn’t know what to do with me and I didn’t feel comfortable around them. I found comfort in my own company. Finding me meant getting to know every aspect of who I was and who I became. Now I value myself as a friend, a confidant, Loyal and trust worthy. I could go days without seeing anyone. No fear for being alone. I am enough.

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